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 Blaspheretic
Commodore
Joined: Jul 01, 2007
Member#: 3647
Posts: 2568
Location: Königsee / Thuringia / Germany
    
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 Posted:
Thu Nov 13, 2008 12:59 am Post subject: Dumbest things ever said in court... |
 
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http://www.duhaime.org/LegalResources/LawFun/LawArticle-40/The-Dumbest-Things-Ever-Said-In-Court.aspx
* Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
* Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases
he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
* What happened then?
He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Did he kill you?
* Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
* The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
* Were you alone or by yourself?
* What is the meaning of sperm being present?
It indicates intercourse.
Male sperm?
That is the only kind I know.
* Can you describe the individual?
He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male or female?
* How long have you been a French Canadian?
* How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?
* Mr. Clark, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
I went to Europe, sir.
And did you take your new wife?
* Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
* I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
That's me.
Were you present when that picture was taken?
* Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
* Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
And by whose death was it terminated?
* Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
I'll be three months on November 8.
Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
Yes.
What were you doing at that time?
* Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
I used to be.
How many times have you committed suicide?
* So you were gone until you returned?
* She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there girls?
* You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
* You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
Yes.
And these stairs, did they go up also?
* Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.
* All you responses must be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
Oral.
* Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Yes, I have been since early childhood.
* Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct?
No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy! |
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 Waffen
Captain
Joined: Oct 25, 2006
Member#: 2503
Posts: 1421
Location: England & Thailand
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Posted:
Tue Nov 25, 2008 4:21 am Post subject: |
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Have you lived in this town all your life?
Not yet.
LMFAO - good answer
_________________
Its a trick.......get an axe! |
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 Death_Medic 
Vice Admiral (Moderator)
Joined: Nov 23, 2005
Member#: 1099
Posts: 2025
Location: Chicago
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Posted:
Tue Nov 25, 2008 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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This would have been me if I was asked this:
Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Brown?
It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
And Mr. Brown was dead at the time, is that correct?
No. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
_________________
- Does this hurt ? -
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 cjjeepercreeper
Commodore
Joined: Nov 27, 2006
Member#: 2665
Posts: 6146
Location: At the Mountains of Madness
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Posted:
Tue Nov 25, 2008 1:48 pm Post subject: |
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On my real world job I spend between 5 and 10 hours a week in criminal court at the District Court, over the years I have heard so much crazy shit I could probably fill a book. I'll write some down and come back with them later, if I remember. 
_________________
Not dead, just sleeping.
Memento Mori |
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Waffen
Captain
Joined: Oct 25, 2006
Member#: 2503
Posts: 1421
Location: England & Thailand
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Posted:
Tue Nov 25, 2008 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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What's a real world?
_________________
Its a trick.......get an axe! |
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Blaspheretic
Commodore
Joined: Jul 01, 2007
Member#: 3647
Posts: 2568
Location: Königsee / Thuringia / Germany
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Posted:
Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:16 am Post subject: |
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| cjjeepercreeper wrote: |
| On my real world job I spend between 5 and 10 hours a week in criminal court at the District Court, over the years I have heard so much crazy shit I could probably fill a book. I'll write some down and come back with them later, if I remember. |
Great, can't await more funny stuff, laugh.
@ Waff: some science fiction author tried to explain once but even
the die hard fans rated his ideas "too weird". |
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cjjeepercreeper
Commodore
Joined: Nov 27, 2006
Member#: 2665
Posts: 6146
Location: At the Mountains of Madness
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Posted:
Wed Nov 26, 2008 8:13 am Post subject: |
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| Waffen wrote: |
| What's a real world? |
Its an alternate universe I step into from time to time. 
_________________
Not dead, just sleeping.
Memento Mori |
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Waffen
Captain
Joined: Oct 25, 2006
Member#: 2503
Posts: 1421
Location: England & Thailand
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Posted:
Thu Nov 27, 2008 1:56 pm Post subject: |
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It sounds horrible....I'm never going there.
_________________
Its a trick.......get an axe! |
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 erkan
Captain
Joined: Nov 11, 2008
Member#: 6364
Posts: 1195
Location: Hajdú-Bihar County, Hungary
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Posted:
Tue Jan 13, 2009 11:59 am Post subject: |
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Who could say bullshits like this?
_________________
"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his."
- General George S. Patton |
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 irule
Captain
Joined: Sep 20, 2006
Member#: 2410
Posts: 1379
Location: Canada
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VileVince
Commander
Joined: Mar 21, 2005
Member#: 213
Posts: 665
Location: Oregon
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Posted:
Wed May 13, 2009 1:58 pm Post subject: |
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| irule wrote: |
| *Charles Manson videos* |
He's awesome....and insane
*edited by diginferno: removed quoted embedded objects |
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Necrophagist666
Lieutenant Commander
![]()
Joined: Oct 06, 2008
Member#: 6105
Posts: 334
Location: Under your bed...
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Posted:
Mon Aug 03, 2009 1:32 pm Post subject: |
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| erkan wrote: |
| Who could say bullshits like this? |
very stupid people. apparently law school doesnt teach lawers how to speak intellegently.
_________________
I am generally useless
You should have died when I killed you -John LeCarre
http://soundcloud.com/ethosprophecy |
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 diginferno
Rear Admiral (Ambassador)
Joined: Apr 11, 2006
Member#: 1771
Posts: 3182
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Posted:
Mon Aug 03, 2009 1:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Necrophagist666 wrote: |
very stupid people. apparently law school doesnt teach lawers how to speak intellegently. |
Actually, I think that they are so much used to play with contextual meanings that they sometimes fail to identify the right context 
_________________
diginferno
.::  ::. |
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Wurst
Captain
Joined: Apr 13, 2006
Member#: 1782
Posts: 1542
Location: Germany
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Posted:
Tue Aug 04, 2009 1:59 am Post subject: |
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hahahhahaha |
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 RipperChris
Captain
Joined: Jun 02, 2011
Member#: 12876
Posts: 1576
Location: Charlestown of Boston, Massachusetts
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Posted:
Fri Jun 03, 2011 3:11 pm Post subject: Court |
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Cool. They are as clever as my one legged dog. In facr he is more clever. |
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